THE POTATO PURSUED A DISAPPROVING LIP (OR WHY I MISS JIMMY SANTOS)

By CARLOS H. CONDE

For the longest time, I thought the comedian Jimmy Santos, famous for his carabao English (”I love you three times a day!”), was just being funny. Then Antonio Calipjo Go, academic supervisor of the Marian School in Quezon City, sent PinoyPress a copy of his ad that appeared yesterday in the Inquirer. In it, he listed dozens of errors in several books being used in public schools in the Philippines.

Here are some of them. I laughed out loud while reading this crap but it’s no laughing matter, of course. Still, enjoy — and weep.

* Stop playing in your computer now.
* Be in the peak of health.
* The typhoon is moving in a northeasternly direction.
* Around the pool is an orientally-designed porch.
* I have seen some orchids in our neighbor’s botanical gardens.
* Some plants are self-planters. They plant their own seeds.
* I’m capable of being the best me I can.
* The city’s voice is soft like solitudes.
* I dipped my tired feet into a basin of water to soothe the ache and fret.
* Do animals move only when the wind blows? What animals don’t move when there is no wind but move when the wind blows?
* Take me to the water breaks.
* Rizal made himself famous as a writer.
* Stars seem to twinkle because they are very far away. There are dwarf stars. They are like people.
* We celebrate in February People Power. In April, we recall the Death March, Bataan’s fall. May is a month of cold showers. July is a month to remember our American friends forever. We remember a birthday in August, Quezon’s so well-loved and famous.
* You should always address the envelop and leave it open.
* The children felt the bridge under them falling.
* He found his friend clowning himself around.